Death Doulas “provide non-medical, holistic support and comfort to the dying person and their family, which may include education and guidance as well as emotional, spiritual or practical care.”
-NATIONAL END-OF-LIFE DOULA ALLIANCE (NEDA)
what it takes to be a doula is someone who is kind and compassionate and who is able to put aside their own agenda, their own to-do list, in order to be fully present with another person and that other person’s journey. - Francesca Arnoldy, the author of Cultivating the Doula Heart: Essentials of Compassionate Care.
“The fact that we die is exactly what makes life precious in the first place. You don’t have to love death, but try to have some relationship with it. Think about it. Contemplate it. As soon as you start doing that, the sooner you start making decisions you can live with, and you’ll avoid stockpiling a bunch of regrets. People who don’t think about death just end up assuming they’re going to live forever, until it’s too late to live that life they wanted to lead.” - BJ Miller, MD is a hospice and palliative care specialist who sees patients in the Cancer Symptom Management Service of the UCSF Helen Diller Family Comprehensive Cancer Center
How I found my calling.
I have been contemplating a way to help people die more beautifully for nearly a decade. My goal is to help guide both the person nearing end-of life, and their trusted inner circle, so that no one feels alone or unprepared.
When my younger brother died in 2009, my mother and I had been at his side during hospice, but we had no idea what to do or say. We were totally unprepared. We did not know we could actually say “goodbye and I love you” each time we left him. We were paralyzed with uncertainty until my brother’s birth mom came to visit. Pam was an angel at my brothers bedside. She taught us so much about how to treat people at death. I will never ever forget how she loved him, caressed him, and talked so lovingly to Burley in his last days. Her impact on me was so profound that I knew I wanted to help families experience death in a more confident and beautiful way. Ten years later I learned about Death Doulas and knew this was my calling.
AMBER _ HERE I WOULD LIKE TO SAY WHAT IS A DEATH DOULA:
How I found my calling.
I have been constructing a way to help people die more beautifully for nearly a decade. My goal is to focus on both the person nearing end-of life and their trusted inner circle, so that no one feels alone or unprepared.
When my younger brother died in 2009, my mother and I had been at his side during hospice, but we had no idea what to do or say. We were totally unprepared. We did not know to actually say goodbye each night. I personally was truly paralyzed with uncertainty until my brother’s birth mom, Pam, came to visit. Pam was like an angel at his bedside. She taught me so much about how to treat people at death. I will never ever forget how she loved him, caressed him, and talked so lovingly to Burley in his last days. Her impact on me was so profound that I knew I wanted to help families experience death in a more confident and beautiful way. Ten years later I learned about Death Doulas.
AMBER _ HERE I WOULD LIKE TO SAY WHAT IS A DEATH DOULA:
My Education and Experience
Masters in Social Work, USC
2014
Concentrations in “Adult Mental Health and Wellness” and “Military Social Work”.
South Pasadena Senior Center, South Pasadena, CA
(400 supervised hours)
2012 – 2013
Facilitated group and individual therapy programs, incorporated client goal setting
Information and referral; including triage for client housing, insurance, legal and physical and mental health needs
Created and facilitated Depression and Holiday Blues workshops
Documented and preformed intermittent psychosocial assessments for clients
Community outreach and resource gathering
Utilized Adult Protective Services, Ombudsman, Medicare, Medical, SSI & SSD
City of Hope National Medical Center, Duarte, CA
(600 supervised hours)
2013 –2014
Supported Hematology cancer patients hospitalized for bone marrow transplants
Engaged with patients and families as they adjust to their “new reality” of an illness
Various interdisciplinary team experiences, including Palliative Care Team
Comprehensive patient assessments, and biopsychosocial intake evaluations
Discharge planning details on occasion
Sought out stipends for cancer patients, and other community resources
Utilized evidence based interventions to facilitate patient coping
Additional Education & Experience
Huntington Hospital Volunteer, Patient Services 2019
Season’s Hospice Volunteer, Pasadena CA 2013. Patient visits and interdisciplinary team meetings for patient review.
Cancer Support Community Pasadena, Board Member 2015 -2018
Bachelor’s in Psychology - University of Colorado May 1988
How I incorporate my work into my own life
THIS IS PULLED FROM A PINK SECTION. I THINK THAT A NICE BLURB ABOUT HOW YOU WORK THIS INTO YOUR OWN LIFE WOULD BE NICE.
Each person is unique. Some ways I have prepared for my death include:
I have a self curated photo file for my own future memorial slideshow that I have added to for years.
I have a computer file of poems and music I would like at my own memorial.
I have convinced myself I will be eaten by a shark - which makes everything else less scary, and my love of ocean swimming more meaningful and courageous.